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Literature by MissSarah15

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October 2, 2010
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I don't hate you, but sometimes I want to rip your heart out from your chest and hold that pulsating organ in the palm of my hand. I want to see your eyes—your bright blue eyes—staring up at me fearfully, filling with shiny, graceless, pointless tears. I want to hold your heart in my hand forever, knowing that you know just as well as I that from this point on, you are mine, and mine alone.

I want to tear apart your chest and grab that beating heart, feeling the warm blood pooling around my feet, the delicious red staining my shoes—and my hands—for the rest of forever. I want to stand in that crimson pool until the end of time, knowing that you will never be able to look into anyone's eyes other than mine, that you will never be able to hold anyone's hand but mine.

I don't hate you, but sometimes I want to kill you and lock you up in a room somewhere far away, knowing your dying eyes will be staring into mine forever, your limp and lifeless hands holding only mine. I want to feel your cornfield hair under my fingertips forever, always within reach, because you know, just as I know, that you cannot run away any longer.

I want to watch your struggle as you try to run, try to fight, knowing that you can't, because resistance is futile and you cannot control fate. I want to hold your frail, struggling body to a wall, and eat your heart straight out of your chest, seeing your helpless and pitiful struggle, knowing that you know you can't do anything to stop destiny. I want to watch your pretty lips whispering words weakly, coughing scarlet, breathing your last.

I don't hate you, but if I can't be you, I must have the next best thing.

I must have you.
I don't hate you, but sometimes I wish you'd comment when you faved. I prefer comments over faves, to tell the truth.

This is a direct companion piece to "I'll never love you"; it's written in the exact same style and is told from the perspective of the "other character", Aleksandr. I have many other pieces lined up involving both Aleksandr & Freedom.


Feedback questions
1. Is the voice of Aleskandr (the narrator) clear, and his character well-developed, or does that need more work?
2. Is the piece too graphic and violent, or does this work well in its favour?
3. Does the recurring theme of "I don't hate you" flow, or is it overly repetitive?

Aleksandr & Freedom:
I don't hate you; I'll never love you; We must be one; To the boy with bleeding eyes; I'd always leave; Open your eyes; Love like winter; November rain; Leap of faith
Add a Comment:
 
:icondreams-and-starlight:
dreams-and-starlight Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think that "I don't hate you" would be a nice refrain for a poem, and it has a darkly velvety fluidity (please don't ask me to rephrase that - I don't know how to describe it any other way). By the way, I am going to call it a poem from now on because it reads like a poem. Also, the descriptive quality of the poem might make it kinda graphic and really, really dark, but that simply gives insight into the narrator's personality. My comment to people who don't like that: If you can't stand it, just don't read it. Personally, it would feel better to me if it was in more lines per paragraph:
(example)
I don't hate you,
But sometimes I want to rip
Your heart out from your chest
And hold that pulsating organ
In the palm of my hand.
etc.
I mean, it's just a personal preference - after all, that's how I write my poems. It's fine if you (the author) disagree, but it would be interesting if you could format it like a poem. Because this involves 'you' and 'I', the narrator, it's somewhat difficult to read it with actual paragraphs in the format of a story. But, other than that, I love it!
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Student Writer
i'm actually really surprised that people still look at this, since i wrote it about two and a half years ago, heh...
this was written at a time when i was struggling to define my writing as either poetry or prose - i was still really working towards developing my own style, which is why it seems so... borderline. (i guess that's the word i'm looking for.) i feel like it would have worked better as stream of consciousness, as well.
i do agree it would have been better served as a poem, though! thanks for the feedback. c:
Reply
:iconalterego1629:
AlterEgo1629 Featured By Owner May 14, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This is fantastic.
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner May 14, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you so much. )))
Reply
:icona-symmetry:
A-Symmetry Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:iconscribblers-anonymous:

Response to AC:
1. Aleskandr's voice is very clear, even though it is laced with poetry. His character is as developed a character can be in a short piece like this.
2. It's not really graphic, considering the fact that many readers will take it as an abstract piece. It is raw, not aggressive.
3. It is quite contradictory as I read it, but I guess it's part of its charm.


1. This is deliciously dark.

2. This is darkly delicious.

3. I love the way the poetry in this flows and jerks like a spiderweb. And just like a spiderweb, it is smooth and thin but strong.

4. I like the ending because it made everything fall into place perfectly.

5. If anything is recurring, it's the phrase "I want". It could annoy some readers I guess. But those enchanted by it won't even notice. (like me.)

6. I am in love with this.
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010  Student Writer
Hmm, deliciously dark and darkly delicious...? Eh, I like it. (People like you are what keeps writers alive.)

... Thank you, it really makes me happy to know that even more people like my work.
Reply
:icona-symmetry:
A-Symmetry Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for saying that. :tighthug:
Honestly I was getting sick of critiquing for members that didn't even want critique and just submitted their work blindly. >.<

But yes, I'd be very happy if more people noticed your work. I've mentioned you in my latest journal entry, but I'm not sure if anyone reads it XD
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2010  Student Writer
You're very welcome.
No, no. I like critique. I love it, in fact.

Oh! You did? /checks
Thanks, I really appreciated that... (it doesn't matter if no one reads it - I'm sure that me writing in my own journal is a lost cause - because it's the thought that counts, yes?)
Reply
:icona-symmetry:
A-Symmetry Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
(most certainly counts as a thought.)
Reply
:iconnyogu:
nyogu Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
The thing I love about you is that, even though these characters have a strange kind of madly entangled kinship, they still sound so different when you write them. It's marvelous. They've so firmly established their own tones, and I love it.
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2010  Student Writer
..They have?
:O I suppose they have. I'm glad you think so, anyway.
Yes, they are rather madly tangled up, but I like it and I'm sure, in my mind, they do as well.
Guh. Thank you. :love:
Reply
:iconnyogu:
nyogu Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Of course they do.

Yeah, your writing of characters...wonderful. Somehow, you manage to project a distinctly Alexandr or a distinctly Freedom feeling with each of your pieces about them. And this...this just feels totally different. I could tell a couple lines in.
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2010  Student Writer
I like developing characters. It's quite fun, actually, come to think of it.
Because, in a way, they're extensions of me. Freedom is me in a good mood - Freedom is how I act. Aleksandr is my mind, Aleksandr is the other side. I find Aleksandr easier to write because it's as though I'm writing the side of myself that I don't act like. Freedom, I am very much like in real life - energetic, entertaining, accomodating, lively.

And yet Aleksandr is how a certain person I know acts.
Reply
:iconnyogu:
nyogu Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Whatever you're doing, it's working. :shrug: They're amazingly well done. <3333
Reply
:iconlady-achika:
Lady-Achika Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2010
You must teach your ways. Your descriptive style is truly something to envy.
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2010  Student Writer
... Thank you so much ) I appreciate it a lot...
and you really think so? I'm honoured...
Reply
:iconfadetopain:
FadeToPain Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
Wow. This blew me away a little bit. I really like the dark logic going on in his head. It gives him an interesting character. Awesome!
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2010  Student Writer
thanks so much for the :+fav: ) and ... I'm glad you like it so much, really.
Logic is wonderful for the illogical characters like him. Thank you again~
Reply
:iconfadetopain:
FadeToPain Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
You're very welcome!
Reply
:iconartsie-escapee:
Artsie-Escapee Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2010
omg.
this, is, waaaaaay too good to be true :O
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2010  Student Writer
Really? You think so?? )
I'm so glad you like it... ))
Reply
:iconmisssarah15:
MissSarah15 Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2010
I loved the violence of it - I think it accents the piece really well. And it isn't repetitive, it flows really nicely.

:heart: It's an amazing and brilliant piece. I love it (:
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2010  Student Writer
Thank you so much )) It does mean a lot to me.
And I'm very glad for the feedback...
Reply
:iconmisssarah15:
MissSarah15 Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2010
You're welcome (: And it's true. I'm pretty jealous of your writing skills =b
=] I read your description and knew I had to leave a comment, otherwise I'd feel bad about it.
:heart:
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2010  Student Writer
Really?? Jealous of me?? Well... I'm very flattered. ) But I'm not that much of a great writer.

:evillaugh: See, the thing is, that's my goal! Someone must leave some sort of feedback, because that someone will feel absolutely awful if they don't!
(And it's all for feedback...)
Reply
:iconmisssarah15:
MissSarah15 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2010
Really (: Yes you are! Wow, yes you are.

Well, you're evil plan is working. I felt very compelled to leave feedback, so I did (; Exactly! And that's how I felt when I was starting to leave the page.
:nod:
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2010  Student Writer
I can think of at least a hundred people off the top of my head who deserve more praise than I do. But thank you, you're very kind )

:evillaugh: ...
Reply
:iconmisssarah15:
MissSarah15 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2010
You're welcome (:
:heart:
:XD:
Reply
:icongricken:
Gricken Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist

Well first of all, I love the goriness of this.

1. Aleksandr is clearly mad. Freedom seems to be at a certain level of madness, but Aleksandr surpasses him much more (and perhaps that's why Freedom is in love with him). I don't think he needs anymore work.

2. I would have to say that the violence perfectly accentuates the piece.

3. I think it flows quite well.

Would it be all right to assume that what you have here is a deliriously twisted relationship between two twisted people?
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2010  Student Writer
Thank you ))
1. Why yes, I do love me some nutjob characters. He does care for others - he's like a frozen lake, I guess. (My metaphors don't usually make sense.) He's smooth and flawless on the surface, but you never really know what's going on underneath. Are there flesh-eating pirahnas, pink velvet unicorns, and plaid-and-tartan lemurs dancing around under there? You don't know until you crack and dive through the ice.

Yes, exactly. Obviously, whether this is a romantic, romantic-friendship, or simply friendship relationship is up to reader to decide. )
Reply
:icongricken:
Gricken Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist

I think your metaphors are quite enjoyable. :D

Aleksandr and Freedom are two very intriguing characters. I'm pretty sure that even if you write more pieces about them, they will always be a mystery. (But they are quite delightful in my opinion. I happen to like nutjob characters.)
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2010  Student Writer
Really? Thank you. They usually don't make much sense. Ah, whatever.
My next Aleksandr and Freedom is about a mirror.
"No, you look. We are not so different, did you know? Because when I look into a mirror, all I see is you."

... or something like that.
I think I heard a sentence like that somewhere :| But I don't really remember where...

Thank you! Nutjobs are always brilliant to write. (The best thing is, I don't even have to pretend to be sane.)
Reply
:icongricken:
Gricken Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist

I am definitely looking forward to that! :D

Yes, pretending to be sane is a very difficult job. :nod:
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2010  Student Writer
Eh, in the end, I wrote that into the next-next one (the "next" one, I just had submitted...)

Exactly.
And you would know because...
Reply
:icongricken:
Gricken Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist

Cool. I'll get to reading it then.

I would know that because... Well, just because.
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2010  Student Writer
Okay ) and ... we're both insane, then?
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmireillexyz:
MiReillExYZ Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2010
1. It is clear that narrator/Aleksandr is talking/thinking he most intimate and secret thoughts. Also his character is well-developed which shows e.g. in the fact that through the violent thoughts of his, one can still see that Aleksandr is depending on and affected to(I know, wrong word;)) the person he is talking of, Freedom.
2. No, the amount of violence is only aiding the piece and expressing Aleksandr's feelings. And the violence may be graphic but it is well written, thus fitting, and it's only coherent that Aleksandr, as the writer, would have such well-elaborated thoughts.
3. No, it doesn't. The first time combined with the 'but' it's like an introduction to the feelings Aleksandr has, the second it seems like a denial or justification on Aleksandr's side after thinking these brute thoughts and the third time it's like a statement naming a fact which the following lines is only the beginning of a logical conclusion ('but if I can't be you, I must have the next best thing. I must have you.'). 'I don't hate you' is well allot.
My personal opinion:
After I reading both pieces only one thought filled my mind:
I want more. :iconirapeitplz:
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2010  Student Writer
Thank you so much for feedback ))
1. I'm glad you think so... and "affected to" makes sense to me, ahaha... Aleksandr is such a creeper :heart: I love him.
2. :hug: I'm glad you think so as well~
3. Actually, the "but if I can't be you" doesn't even make sense anymore :| but I get the feeling somehow I wrote in Aleksandr to be very jealous of what Freedom has, his memories and his childhood.

You will get more, I promise. I'm a bit at a standstill with them, but I have a good idea and I'm writing it soon )) thanks again for the feedback, all of them!
Reply
:iconmireillexyz:
MiReillExYZ Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2010
Let the inspiration come to you.I can wait so long^^.
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2010  Student Writer
Okay, I will...
agghhgh I HAD SUCH A GOOD IDEA EARLIER ((
but then I forgot it.
FFFFFUUU--
Oh, I think I just remembered it ^^
Reply
:iconsolarune:
Solarune Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010   Writer
*finally gets around to commenting on this*
O.O Wow. That was... intense. I think you’re very good at horror writing; I got the feeling of a strange kind of emotion, something that seems to be neither hate nor love yet somehow both, and obsession too. It’s quite frightening yet mesmerising.

I think the character’s voice is good. Like I said above, his emotions come across. And as a character he certainly came across to me (as in "argh, run far, far away from this person!" XD)
One thing that struck me (and this is more in the style of the writing than the voice, but it’s kind of linked) is that in places there are quite a lot of adjectives/adverbs – such as ‘shiny, graceless, pointless tears’ and ‘your limp and lifeless hands’. My only critique would be to keep an eye out for points such as that, and maybe try to find less obvious and more precise ways of describing things, so that the words become less clogging and more powerful. The reason I mentioned this with the character question is that it seems less realistic as a character voice (especially in first person) to have the writing that formal, unless the character himself is a writer. However, for this particular piece I do actually think it works quite well. It gives a kind of twisted beauty to the writing, which fits the scene.

I apologise if this has already been said (I can't bring myself to trawl through 5+ pages of feedback to find out >.>)

I’m not sure whether it’s too graphic or not. I think that’s subjective to each person. It was certainly effective, and I don’t think the piece would have worked so well without it; so while I personally don’t like ultra-graphicness I don’t think you should change it. :)

The recurring theme seems okay to me. I think if it were repeated any more than three times it would get a bit annoying, but as it is it fits, especially with the different formatting each time it is said.

Keep writing! :D
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Student Writer
Thanks for comment :) I'm glad you think so, that I am good at horror writing, because, uh. I'm sort of banged up in the head. So I find it easy to write things like this.

The thing is, this character, Aleksandr, is a writer. I haven't really written that anywhere (and only one other person really knows this, and that was just my random babbling), but he is a writer. A horror writer. A gory, macabre, disturbing and disturbed horror writer.

Thanks again. And thanks for... all the feedback. All of it. And all the comments. And all the :+fav:. They mean a lot to me. :cries: I'll keep writing for sure...
Reply
:iconsolarune:
Solarune Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2010   Writer
You're very welcome! :D
Ah, right. That makes more sense that he's a writer. You can just ignore all my feedback about the formality of his text then :paranoid:
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2010  Student Writer
Okay :)
actually, I had that idea from the very beginning, but I never really told anyone. I don't know why.
I like leaving a lot of things open, but I always form my own opinions on them in the end.
Reply
:iconsolarune:
Solarune Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2010   Writer
:D It's odd how there are things you think of about characters that never end up making it into the final story. XD
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2010  Student Writer
Yeah.
Actually, some things (msot things) I end up placing into the story either way, just for the heck of it... it's given me a lot of problems in the past, that habit.
Reply
:iconmissrose18:
MissRose18 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2010   General Artist
To answer your questions.
2. I think the graphic-ness of the piece works very well in its favor.
3. I think the recurring theme flows well with in the piece and helps it flow with the way it's companion piece is written.
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2010  Student Writer
2. Thank you. :) I'm a violent writer by nature, so I was wondering how many people would be offended.
3. Thanks for that - I'm often worried that the repetitive-ness is... too repetitive. So that's a relief.

Thanks for your comment, I really do appreciate it!
Reply
:iconth3chos3non3:
Th3Chos3nOn3 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I'm not very good at giving any critque, but I truly loved the emotions felt throughout this raw piece. I honestly feel this way about my ex, but I'm no longer with him. Things happen, people change, but this left me with a deep, penetrating anger inside. I do want to rip the heart out of his chest, and no, I don't find the 'I hate you' to be repetitive. It seems to just fit quite nicely wh each time it's being used, constantly reminding the person, 'I don't hate you'...but this is how I truly feel. I definitely didn't believe it was anywhere near too violent, I've obviously read more gruesome, gory scenes. So, overall...I absolutely love it. The title is what pulled me in, and the first line that I read. :)
Reply
:iconth3chos3non3:
Th3Chos3nOn3 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I'm not very good at giving any critque, but I truly loved the emotions felt throughout this raw piece. I honestly feel this way about my ex, but I'm no longer with him. Things happen, people change, but this left me with a deep, penetrating anger inside. I do want to rip the heart out of his chest, and no, I don't find the 'I hate you' to be repetitive. It seems to just fit quite nicely wh each time it's being used, constantly reminding the person, 'I don't hate you'...but this is how I truly feel. I definitely didn't believe it was anywhere near too violent, I've obviously read more gruesome, gory scenes. So, overall...I absolutely love it. The title is what pulled me in, and the first line that I read. :)
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