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Submitted on
October 2, 2010
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I don't hate you, but sometimes I want to rip your heart out from your chest and hold that pulsating organ in the palm of my hand. I want to see your eyes—your bright blue eyes—staring up at me fearfully, filling with shiny, graceless, pointless tears. I want to hold your heart in my hand forever, knowing that you know just as well as I that from this point on, you are mine, and mine alone.

I want to tear apart your chest and grab that beating heart, feeling the warm blood pooling around my feet, the delicious red staining my shoes—and my hands—for the rest of forever. I want to stand in that crimson pool until the end of time, knowing that you will never be able to look into anyone's eyes other than mine, that you will never be able to hold anyone's hand but mine.

I don't hate you, but sometimes I want to kill you and lock you up in a room somewhere far away, knowing your dying eyes will be staring into mine forever, your limp and lifeless hands holding only mine. I want to feel your cornfield hair under my fingertips forever, always within reach, because you know, just as I know, that you cannot run away any longer.

I want to watch your struggle as you try to run, try to fight, knowing that you can't, because resistance is futile and you cannot control fate. I want to hold your frail, struggling body to a wall, and eat your heart straight out of your chest, seeing your helpless and pitiful struggle, knowing that you know you can't do anything to stop destiny. I want to watch your pretty lips whispering words weakly, coughing scarlet, breathing your last.

I don't hate you, but if I can't be you, I must have the next best thing.

I must have you.
I don't hate you, but sometimes I wish you'd comment when you faved. I prefer comments over faves, to tell the truth.

This is a direct companion piece to "I'll never love you"; it's written in the exact same style and is told from the perspective of the "other character", Aleksandr. I have many other pieces lined up involving both Aleksandr & Freedom.


Feedback questions
1. Is the voice of Aleskandr (the narrator) clear, and his character well-developed, or does that need more work?
2. Is the piece too graphic and violent, or does this work well in its favour?
3. Does the recurring theme of "I don't hate you" flow, or is it overly repetitive?

Aleksandr & Freedom:
I don't hate you; I'll never love you; We must be one; To the boy with bleeding eyes; I'd always leave; Open your eyes; Love like winter; November rain; Leap of faith
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:icondreams-and-starlight:
dreams-and-starlight Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I think that "I don't hate you" would be a nice refrain for a poem, and it has a darkly velvety fluidity (please don't ask me to rephrase that - I don't know how to describe it any other way). By the way, I am going to call it a poem from now on because it reads like a poem. Also, the descriptive quality of the poem might make it kinda graphic and really, really dark, but that simply gives insight into the narrator's personality. My comment to people who don't like that: If you can't stand it, just don't read it. Personally, it would feel better to me if it was in more lines per paragraph:
(example)
I don't hate you,
But sometimes I want to rip
Your heart out from your chest
And hold that pulsating organ
In the palm of my hand.
etc.
I mean, it's just a personal preference - after all, that's how I write my poems. It's fine if you (the author) disagree, but it would be interesting if you could format it like a poem. Because this involves 'you' and 'I', the narrator, it's somewhat difficult to read it with actual paragraphs in the format of a story. But, other than that, I love it!
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:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Student Writer
i'm actually really surprised that people still look at this, since i wrote it about two and a half years ago, heh...
this was written at a time when i was struggling to define my writing as either poetry or prose - i was still really working towards developing my own style, which is why it seems so... borderline. (i guess that's the word i'm looking for.) i feel like it would have worked better as stream of consciousness, as well.
i do agree it would have been better served as a poem, though! thanks for the feedback. c:
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:iconalterego1629:
AlterEgo1629 Featured By Owner May 14, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This is fantastic.
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner May 14, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you so much. )))
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:icona-symmetry:
A-Symmetry Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:iconscribblers-anonymous:

Response to AC:
1. Aleskandr's voice is very clear, even though it is laced with poetry. His character is as developed a character can be in a short piece like this.
2. It's not really graphic, considering the fact that many readers will take it as an abstract piece. It is raw, not aggressive.
3. It is quite contradictory as I read it, but I guess it's part of its charm.


1. This is deliciously dark.

2. This is darkly delicious.

3. I love the way the poetry in this flows and jerks like a spiderweb. And just like a spiderweb, it is smooth and thin but strong.

4. I like the ending because it made everything fall into place perfectly.

5. If anything is recurring, it's the phrase "I want". It could annoy some readers I guess. But those enchanted by it won't even notice. (like me.)

6. I am in love with this.
Reply
:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010  Student Writer
Hmm, deliciously dark and darkly delicious...? Eh, I like it. (People like you are what keeps writers alive.)

... Thank you, it really makes me happy to know that even more people like my work.
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:icona-symmetry:
A-Symmetry Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for saying that. :tighthug:
Honestly I was getting sick of critiquing for members that didn't even want critique and just submitted their work blindly. >.<

But yes, I'd be very happy if more people noticed your work. I've mentioned you in my latest journal entry, but I'm not sure if anyone reads it XD
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:iconhildetann:
Hildetann Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2010  Student Writer
You're very welcome.
No, no. I like critique. I love it, in fact.

Oh! You did? /checks
Thanks, I really appreciated that... (it doesn't matter if no one reads it - I'm sure that me writing in my own journal is a lost cause - because it's the thought that counts, yes?)
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:icona-symmetry:
A-Symmetry Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
(most certainly counts as a thought.)
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:iconnyogu:
nyogu Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
The thing I love about you is that, even though these characters have a strange kind of madly entangled kinship, they still sound so different when you write them. It's marvelous. They've so firmly established their own tones, and I love it.
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